Here is a work-in-progress for a spoof of assisted suicide. I started the first few chapters, but please feel free to add comments and suggestions.
Introduction
There are few instances where assisted suicide is an acceptable alternative to the Hippocratic Oath a doctor takes; to harm no individual. Given today’s hostile environment when it comes to assisted suicide, the intention of this guide is to provide the average individual a means to solicit and exploit the weaknesses many sociopaths exhibit while participating in their own personal anxieties.
Often the difficulty of finding a proper institutional setting for assisted suicide can be overcome with adequate planning. This guide will help you to find the best and most willing Psychopath for your immediate needs. Each chapter is a proven method to instigate even the most callous Psychopath into helping with the immediate need for suicide.
Chapter 1 - GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM
The tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A psychopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.
Make fun of their verbal skills. Try to engage them in small talk and charm them with your wit. They will become a little annoyed and much easier to manipulate into helping with your problem.
Chapter 2 - GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH
A grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Psychopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.
They will often become very upset if you out bragg them. Try various attempts to belittle them, mocking helps, and be more opinionated.
Chapter 3 - NEED FOR STIMULATION or PRONENESS TO BOREDOM
An excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have a low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.
Chapter 4 - PATHOLOGICAL LYING
Can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.
Chapter 5 - CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS
The use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.
Chapter 6 - LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT
A lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.
Chapter 7 - SHALLOW AFFECT
Emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.
Chapter 8 - CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY
A lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.
Chapter 9 - PARASITIC LIFESTYLE
An intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.
Chapter 10 - POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS
Expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.
Chapter 11 - PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
A variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.
Chapter 12 - EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS
A variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.
Chapter 13 - LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS
An inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.
Chapter 14 - IMPULSIVITY
The occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.
Chapter 15 - IRRESPONSIBILITY
Repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.
Chapter 16 - FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS
A failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.
Chapter 17 - MANY SHORT-TERM MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS
A lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.
Chapter 18 - JUVENILE DELINQUENCY
Behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.
Chapter 19 - REVOCATION OF CONDITION RELEASE
A revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.
Chapter 20 - CRIMINAL VERSATILITY
A diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.
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